Life is a challenge

Lately there has been so much going on that I keep wondering how many years of my life have been deducted due to the major events that keep coming up (you know, the one that says if you move, take __ years off your life, if you change jobs, it's another __ years off your life, also seen on stresstips.com.

Anyway, even with one of the biggest changes (moving) in our immediate future, I think that the ease of *how it happened has helped me to recognize that it's ok to let my Heavenly Father be in control rather than ME always trying to be in control and getting frustrated when I fail.

Recently I recognized that my life really was out of control; I didn't feel the spirit, didn't feel at peace, didn't feel like I had a testimony, didn't feel like people around me wanted to be around me; didn't feel anything but frustrated and intolerant. Even when we had Callie over a couple of weeks ago I must say that I wasn't entirely sad to see her leave at the end of the week. (I know that shows the reality of my being a terrible, terrible, almost-mommy, but unfortunately it's the truth.) Anything and everything was making me frustrated and unhappy, and having Callie over with the accompanying constant needs and noise of a 3-year-old for seven days was too much, at least in the state I was in.

I don't think I even realized how lost I was until I remembered that I had disconnected myself with my Heavenly Father. I hadn't said my personal prayers for days, hadn't read the Book of Mormon for weeks... I had complete lost touch with what is important in my life, and, more imporantly, for my family. Then I remembered a quote from one of the Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites books: "If you don't feel as close to God today as you did yesterday, who moved?"

It was then that it hit me that I truly was out of control and out of touch with my Heavenly Father, and that I desperately wanted to reconnect and recommit myself to Him. I started praying again, and even asked (and continue to ask) Zach to join me for prayers together. We are going to begin (again) reading the BoM this Monday (after we move), and I also started (and have since finished) reading Pollyanna. I get so much out of that and similar books; they realy help me to think and be more positive, and to lighten up and remember that it's simply impossible and unnecessary for me to control every situation in my life. I also started listening to the General Conference podcasts while at work, and I've now twice listened to President Uchtdorf's talk about patience (given during the recent priesthood meeting). It was an amazing reminder that my lack of patience means a lack of faith, and that is exactly what I was experiencing. I wasn't filling my lamp with oil, but I still expected it to continue burning when I needed it.

I am truly grateful for the Conference talks I am able to listen to, and for the patience of such a wonderful husband. I am especially grateful for the Gospel that guides me toward him, and allows me to feel His love even when I feel like I am utterly undeserving of such.

I am also grateful for strong sisters(in-law) and other family members who exhibit love, strength, faith, and so many other virtues they cannot be numbered, and are splendid examples to me of those virtues. Thank you all for being who you are, and for helping me become who I can be, even when you may now know that I'm watching (and reading).

*I've told Zach numerous times that I know we are supposed to move into the townhome we're going to this weekend. We were only casually looking; knowing we needed to move, but in no big hurry. My sister was also looking for 3-bedroom townhomes in the Logan area, so we were sort of competing for them; one day I asked her to tell me what she found that night on the internet, since we still don't have it in our home (which wil change as of this Saturday night - WOO HOO!!). She didn't get back to me and so I went over to the library to get on their computer to search. I came across this ad for 2 and 3-bedroom townhomes; there were several of the same ads listed in the paper over several days. I went to look at the office hours that night, since they weren't stated on the voicemail, and saw that the following day they would be in the afternoon, just for that day. Since I didn't get a call back from the voicemail I'd left I wanted to stop by the office. I was in the area just a few minutes prior to the office being open and dropped by on the off chance... She was there! I asked her about available 3-bedrooms, and she told me that they had only one available that had come up unexpectedly, and that she would give it to the 1st ones who gave her a deposit (OAC, of course). She told me that she was actually closing the office in a few minutes (at the same time she was supposed to open the office that day only), and that if I wanted to return my application and deposit that night she would be the first one to see it in the morning. I took Zach over to see it that night, just to make sure we both agreed on it, then dropped off the ap and the deposit. She called me the next day and said we were approved. The amazing thing is that if I hadn't worked for the Census Bureau last month, there is NO WAY we would have ever had the funds to move, what with a deposit and extra rent and all. Things really did work in our favor; we were absolutely blessed. Thank heaven for little miracles.

Til next time; we love you all.